So thursday was the concerto competition.  If you are not aware of how this works, it’s when a bunch of people at calvin audition or compete (or whatever you want to call it) for the opportunity to play a concerto (or movement thereof) with the orchestra in a concert.  There are usually 4 or 5 winners, depending on how many compedators there are.  I took part in this competition, playing the first movement of the Indigo Concerto by Efrain Amaya.  It’s a new piece…didn’t actually have a piano reduction to the orchestral score until, oh, about 3 weeks ago.  Which made for fun times for me and Gwen putting it together.  But SOMEHOW we managed it….and i’m one of the winners!!!!  EXCITEMENT!!!!!  This is absolutely incredible in my mind.  I am going to play a concerto…with an orcehstra.  Of course, come december, I will be a giant ball of stress because of it.  But it will still be an amazing thing to do.

Today is halloween.  Hallie and I stayed home and were going to hand out candy to trick or treaters.  Two things have kind of dampened the evening.  The first is that I am sick…which started on thursday (which makes the whole concerto thing really kind of a miracle), and I don’t feel terrible, I just get really tired really fast whenever I try to get up and do anything.  And I cough a lot.  And I’ve lost my voice pretty bad.  Anyway, the other thing that kind of killed the evening is that we didn’t actually get any trick or treaters.  Lame!  Oh well.  We’re watching young frankenstein right now, which is definitely one of my favorites (and one of the few mel brooks movies that i really like).  So…its a good time anyway.  I’m sure I’ll go to bed ridiculously early again…and be lame…but on the bright side, I’ll get an extra hour of sleep tonight…

In other news, this coming week is going to be insane again, as well as next weekend.  I am praying that my health is back to normal by monday, or tuesday at the latest, and that I can get all my homework and stuff done before that.  Concerts and more concerts.  But after next weekend I’ll have much more of a break.  Thankfully.  there’s also the matter of thanksgiving…got to figure out what I’m doing there.  I’ll probably stick around…so I can work…but I haven’t really given it much thought.  I probably won’t until after next weekend.

Mmmmmok, I think i’m done now.  happy halloween!

I liked the movie a lot.

Yes, it was different than the book.  Of course it was.  The book takes all of a minute and a half to read, and that’s if you take a decent amount of time looking at the pictures.  I don’t want to say there’s nothing to it (because that’s not true), but it is very short.  There’s enough implied, enough to get your imagination going…but…well, that’s what you have to do in making a movie i guess as well.  read the book, and just let it get your imagination going.

It was like being inside the mind of a child.  There was no lack of complexity, no lack of depth.  There was a lot of depth, actually.  Kids have that, you know.  we don’t give them credit for it most of the time, but oh man, they’ve got it.  Just because they use their imaginations, because they travel to lands of their own making on a regular basis, because they react without thinking at times, because they say things which follow a very logical path, and make perfect sense, only because they have not yet experienced the vital piece of information that would denounce what they have said….because of this, adults (and oh, do we do think we are high and mighty, old and wise, make no mistake) look down at the child who says and does such things, smile a little to themselves, give the kid a nice little pat on the head, and move on with their lives.  But there is depth.  There is SO much depth in simplicity and childlike imagination.

the movie was deep in a lot of ways.  Max is like any other kid in the world.  He has a moody teenage sister, his parents are divorced, he loses his temper and regrets it the moment after, his mom makes frozen corn even though he doesn’t like it.  It’s no fairy tale, it’s life.  So he goes to where the wild things are…there are complexities there too.  It doesn’t go away.  Even in his escape, reality raises its ugly head, and he learns from it.  But there was so much in the movie that was just….child like.  Things he said.  things that happened.  It was all….I was in 3rd grade again running around on a playground, or playing make-believe sorts of things with friends.  Real life is there…but there’s this quality of imagination and fun that can suddenly turn everything around.  It doesn’t distinguish itself completely from reality either…it’s all kind of intertwined.

In the end…I just always want to find joy in little things.  Like playgrounds.  And tire swings.  I want to be the grandma that goes to the park with her grandkids and crawls around in the small spaces as much as my body will allow, and not just push kids on swings but swing on them myself.  I don’t want to be consumed by the adult world and all sorts of adult things.  I’ll live in it, I’ll work, I’ll pay bills, I’ll deal with whatever.  But I will find joy in the small things.  I will make up silly stories sometimes.  I will spend a friday night watching a disney movie.  I will read bedtime stories to anyone who will listen.  I will get excited about tire swings.

(this is in no particular order)

1.  conduct a symphony orchestra

2.  compose something that’s actually good

3.  live somewhere in europe.  Or at least visit for a semi-extended period of time.  I’ve GOT to go to Vienna at some point.  And I’d really like to see Romania again.   And be in England long enough to aquire an accent

4.  get married/kids/all that jazz…actually really excited about being a grandparent.  Is that weird?  I will tell when-i-was-your-age stories to my grandkids all the time.  but not the ones that guilt trip you into eating your vegetables.  just fun ones

5.  know what i’m supposed to be doing with my life

6.  learn how to swing dance.  (this could be a disaster.  but i don’t care)

7.  have time to read for fun again.

8.  grow old, but somehow never let go of the 10 year old kid inside of me (I want to always be excited about tire swings).

9.  learn how to play a fiddle.  i mean, i’d like to learn a bit of violin as well…

10.  be able to look back on my life and say to myself, “yeah….yeah, this has been good.”  and then just smile.

I would have laughed in you face if you had told me at the beginning of my senior year of high school that a year from them I would be going to school in Michigan as a music education major.

I would have denied vehemently if you had told my high school self that I would one day not believe that the account of creation in the Bible was not literal.

I would have called you crazy if you had told me a year ago that I would be having some of the conversations i’ve been having lately so soon.

I would have smiled if you told me i was beautiful.  At any time.

I would have been incredibly excited if you told me that during college I would visit Hungary, Romania, Ukraine, and China.  (Literall, jumping for joy)

I would have laughed uproriously if you had told me I would play tuba in an ensemble at any point in time before last semester.

I would have been in awe if you told me that I would conduct an orchestra playing the first half of the first movement of Beethoven’s 5th symphony during my college career.

You know….life is fun.  It’s hard sometimes.  It sucks sometimes.  but sometimes it is SO good, and really, you never know what it’s going to throw at you.  That can be good and bad, I suppose…but it makes for some really great stories.  I’ve changed a lot since High School.  Perhaps “changed” is not the right word exactly…I’ve grown a lot since high school.  I’m still who I was then…but I’m able to be myself more comfortably now.  I hide a little less.  I speak up a little more.  I am not afraid to admit that I get really excited when given the chance to play on a tire swing, and one of my favorite pastimes of late is watching disney movies with my roommate.  there is a child in the heart of me.  that doesn’t stop adulthood from knocking at my door daily though, and with the future looming ever nearer in the future…yeah, I have ideas about what’s there…but they’re some big broad ideas.  I lack details.  It will be interesting to see how it all ends up happening.  It will be interesting to see a couple years from now what has happened, and to be able to think back and say, I would have laughed if someone had told me that would happen….

God is good.  I have faith.

I am seriously lacking in motivation recently.  I don’t want to be in school.  I’m tired of it.  I’m ready for change, ready to move on, ready to leave the world of student-hood.  Of course I don’t know what I’ll be doing after that…so in that sense, at least, I am very much not ready.  But…oh I’m just so tired of it.

Sometimes I miss people a lot.  It makes my heart ache a little.

I read The Little Prince to my roommate as a bedtime story over the last few nights….it was really good.  She enjoyed it a lot.  We might start on the Chronicles of Narnia next….

I’ll be playing Zoomtube at Fall Music Festival as a soloist this year.  I can’t wait to see/hear people’s reactions….

I’m going to compete in the concerto competition this year.  There are 4 or 5 winners chosen who get to play their concerto with the orchestra.  Oh, that would be SO cool…

I’m going on a church college group retreat this weekend.  Sunday, to be specific.  I think it will be good.

I need to buy a new Bible.  Mine is falling apart.  Literally.  Like, my first page of Genesis is not actually attached anymore.  This is a problem…I need to decide which translation I want.  I feel like I’ve heard good things about the new american standard version….suggestions, anyone?

I wish I played my guitar more.  I wish I was good at it…(I probalby would be if I played it more)

I am not going to set my alarm tonight.  I am just going to sleep for as long as my body needs to.  It is going to be wonderful

Today I went to church.

The sermon was about having childlike faith, and what that means.  what are these qualities that children carry with them so organically, yet we lose as we grow older?  In many ways, I am still like a child.  I do find joy in small things.  I like to play on swings.  I like stepping on crunchy leaves in the fall.  I’m just silly.  Kind of a lot.  But here’s where I need to be more like a child: children trust.  If an adult tells a child something, they believe it.  And they have no problem relying on others for practically everything, and trusting unwaveringly that their needs will be fulfilled.  I want to trust Jesus like that…so that there is no question in my mind that everything will actually be ok.  That I will have everything I need.  I will be cared for, provided for.  Children are dependent, and do not apologize for being so.  Adults are independent, and very often have too much pride to ask for help even when they do really need it.

I am independent.  I’m not trying to say I need to depend on my parents for everything the rest of my life; just that I need to be able to depend on others and God and not try to do everything by myself.  I do that sometimes.   maybe more than I would care to admit.  But I’m learning.

Also, I really enjoy conducting.  And I love orchestras.  And i want to take violin lessons one day, so I can actually know things about string instruments.

I’ve done a lot of this lately.

It occured to me the other day that when God tells you to wait for something, its not just because He’s teaching you patience.  I mean, maybe He is.  But…I think we chalk it up to that because we hate waiting and we are impatient, yes, so we just say, well, i have to be patient (heavy sigh) and end up screwing things up because we’re still impatient.  Maybe that’s a little pessemistic…woops.  anyway, the point being…God’s not teaching me patience right now.  I suppose that’s part of it, but it’s like, a relatively unimportant side-note.  God is teaching me to trust His plan.  God is working on me.  In my life.  Taking baggage off my shoulders and showing me that I don’t have to be afraid to let others help me carry it.  So much of the time, when people have to wait for somehting they just become frustrated that they are being made to wait, but seriously, especially when God is the one making you wait, there’s a reason for it.  Not a passive one either…God is working. We don’t always get it until afterwards…but…I mean…God knows what He’s doing.

It’s hard to trust that sometimes.  But…well, it’s true.

I haven’t blogged as much lately.  Part of it I think is that I never really do over the summer and I just haven’t gotten back into it yet.  But also, I’ve been dumping a lot of stuff on people lately, rather than on paper (or into computer).  this is incredibly good for me.  So…I have less of a need for an outlet, I suppose.  There’s also the fact that, lets be serious, there are certain things I’m just not going to write on the internet for the entire world to see.  I mean, I know this is disappointing to all of you who read this (I don’t really know who reads this…), that I’m not going to tell you my deepest, darkest secrets (i’m not sure I even have secrets that I would define as “deep and dark”…).  I’m not really sure where I’m going with this…just…I don’t know…maybe my blogging is done?  probably not.  it’ll just be a little more random and sporadic.  Maybe.  I don’t actually know.  I’m rambling.  I’m going to stop now.

Side note: “Once upon a time…” is the title of this thing.  Let it be known that my life, at the moment, is not like a fairy tale.  In fact, it never has been.  If it ever does start to resemble a fairy tale, I’m definitely going to write a book about it and become a millionaire, because it will be the most messed up/weird/hilarious fairy tale EVER.

So I have (nearly) accomplished my first week of my 5th year of college.  Woot.  It’s a little different being a fifth year senior.  I just feel really….comfortable.  I know what I’m doing.  I’m also not nearly as busy as i’ve been, which i can definitely get used to, and am fairly excited about (a) having free time, (b) having a social life, and (c) sleeping a decent amount.  I’ve got an ed class, whcih I can’t really tell how I feel about it yet…the prof is really hard to follow.  He’s from australia though, so the accent is a plus.  My lit class is going to be absolutely AMAZING.  The prof is hilarious.  And really, i enjoy reading.  so why not?  Anyway, also in band, orchestra, and band.  yes, two bands.  I’ll be playing percussion in knollcrest band this time instead of tuba.  should be interesting.  I’ve got second chair in orchestra, which is exciting, and will also be conducting a piece on the concert (which, by the way, i am WAY excited about).  I don’t know what about calvin band yet…we haven’t actually had a rehearsal yet.  tomorrow!  it will be good.

Also, fyi, we have a futon as a couch.  i am excited about this.  mostly because we now have something that functions as a couch.  for awhile we didn’t….our living room had a lot of empty space.

and another random tidbit: tomorrow i am calling to hopefully get us some tv and internet.  we’ll see how that goes…they’re going to try to coerse me into spending lots of money, and I am going to disappoint them greatly.

That was not very exciting.  Maybe I will have some cool stories to tell later?

…I don’t really know how to describe my life currently, actually.  Jesus is doing a lot of things.  I’m preparing to go back to school for a final year, into a living situation that i’m sure will prove to be wonderful (I have no doubts), but one that will be very different than what I have experienced in the past.  I’m going to have a ton of time fall semester, potentially enough to actually have some sort of social life, and absolutely zero time next semester.  I’ve just finished an amazing summer, and have learned a lot about myself and things i need to work on in order to better work with and serve people.  I’ve been having some rather intense conversations lately…which are really good…but somewhat emotionally draining.  Jesus is doing a lot.  he’s going to do a lot this year.  I am playing a game of waiting.  Waiting for guidance, waiting for direction, waiting to know what I am supposed to be doing, where I am supposed to be going, and who is going to be there with me.  It is an exercise in patience and trust.  I have an unshakable feeling that God is going to be doing a LOT of work on me this year.  But the wonderful thing about all of this is that I KNOW that i’m on the right track with it all.  I mean, yeah, I’ll freak out about what I’m supposed to be doing with my life…but I AM trusting, and I AM waiting for guidance…which means that whenever His plan is reavealed to me, it will be SO GOOD.  It does suck waiting sometimes…and not really knowing what’s going to happen.  But I can rest in the assurance that God’s plan is much better than anything that I can forsee happening.

It will be very interesting to watch this happen…and see what comes of everything.

That is all for now, I believe.  More to come later, for certain.

Summer is over.  Almost.  I’ve got about 2 and a half weeks until I head back to Michigan, but camp is now over.  I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about what all happened.  I think I’m going to have to call Tony and have a conversation with him in order to decompress fully, which will be interesting in many ways, undoubtedly.  In some ways I think I did really well…and in some ways not so well.  So it goes, I suppose.

I am currently taking a day off of doing anything (except possibly going to the store at some point).  It is very nice.  VERY nice.  I just got back from a weekend down in so cal: disneyland ALL DAY on my birthday, then mini golf and just hanging out, some wandering around down town laguna niguel, and a different birthday party for some people who were on staff this summer.  I’m pretty sure it’s the best birthday I’ve ever had.  Good people, fun times…and nothing bad happened (to my knowledge, anyway).  Bad things tend to happen on or around my birthday….but not this time!

So…yup.  I suppose that’s it as far as an update goes, at the moment.  Abrupt end!