graduation

Calvin’s graduation was saturday.  All of my housemates graduated.  Everyone that I was a freshman with (with precious few exceptions) graduated.  They are all going to get jobs, going to grad school, going home, going going going.  I am staying.  No cap and gown for me (not this year, at any rate).  I’m not bitter exactly, but it was a very strange day.  These are the people I’ve lived with and spent my time with over the last four years…I felt like I should be graduating with them.  And I wasn’t.  I was (and am!) very excited for them….but saddened as well.  Purely selfish, I know, but I can’t help but have the feeling that I’m being left behind somehow.  It’s no one’s fault, it’s not even a bad thing, particularly, that I’m staying another year (it’s nothing less than necissary), but…we were freshmen together.  you’d think we would graduate together.

It was a really strange day.

Now I’m home, and feel rather far from all of that…but leaving this year was different too.  Until I was in the airport, it seemed really unreal.  I think it’s because somewhere in my mind I know that next year is going to be different.  I’ll be going to back to the same school, doing many of the same things I’ve always done, but this core group of people who I’ve lived with throughout my entire college career will be gone.  I’ll be living in an apartment with one other person, and I have no doubt that it will be amazing, but it will be very different.

I’ll also be the only 5th year senior in the music department.  I’ll just be old.  It’s weird to think that anyone would be intimidated by me for any reason, but I know that freshmen will be, because I was intimidated by seniors and super seniors as a freshman.  Shoot, i was intimidated by sophomores.

Anyway, it’ll be interesting to see how next year turns out.  To see how my core group of friends changes.  To see myself make the life decisions I need to make, and decide what i want to do after i graduate.  Where I want to go.  What it is exactly that I want to persue.  What I will have to sacrifice in order to do that.  So we’ll see what happens, right?  Right.  As for now, summer is looming in the very near future, and that is a grand adventure in and of itself.  But more to come on that as it unfolds….